Run Stephen Run!

I grew up thinking I wasn’t athletic.  I wasn’t super coordinated when it came to sports.  I was always the last one picked even for dodgeball.  I was an awkward little kid that was way more comfortable behind a guitar than I was with a ball at my feet or a bat in my hands.  Maybe because I just never really tried hard enough.  Anyway – I’ve moved into my adult life with this idea that my identity just doesn’t include anything physical.  A year and a half ago I started wanting to get into better shape.  I was feeling ugly and sedentary.  There were plenty of other things going on at that time that helped fuel that thought but I started wondering what would happen if I just tried and even just for a second let go of some of the fears I had about trying something “athletic”.  It took me a year but I decided to run.  I also decided that even though I was scared out of my mind I wanted to snowboard.  And so I launched myself forward into both.  I committed to trying to get myself down a mountain at least 3 times and I committed to trying to run a 5K race.  Here is what I found………

I’m not what I thought I was.  I actually am athletic.  I caught on to snowboarding quite quickly and loved it so much that I’ve been up to the mountain almost 10 times this year.  I’ve run 2 5K races so far and have started running a 5K distance at least once a week. 

I guess the point is – I let people and circumstances tell me who I was and never tried to build an identity for myself.  That’s a dangerous road and got me right where I didn’t want to be: in the middle of no where.  It’s certainly easier to let the world tell you who you are but I’m pretty sure that the answer is always the same for everyone – your ugly, you’re not good enough, you’re not _______ fill in the blank.  And it’s not true.  So what I’m left with at the end of the day is just Stephen.  I’m not a musician or a runner or a snowboarder or anything else.  I’m just Stephen and I’ve chosen to play and write music and I have chosen to run and I have chosen to snowboard but if I choose at anytime to stop doing those things I know I am still just Stephen like I was when I started and I’m ok with that.

Smells Like Teen Spirit

It was 1991 and I had just turned 14.  Junior high is some of the worst years for any kid and I was certainly not outside the norm.  Awkward, unsure of myself, wanting so badly to fit in but finding it impossible…..I think we all know those feelings.  And then one band came along and gave me and my friends something we could Identify with.

Up to this point I had been fed a dose of Credence Clearwater, Moody Blues, The Beatles, Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass and an even bigger dose of Christian music like Maranatha Praise and Amy Grant.  How can any teenager identify with love and war and God?

I was walking the half mile home from the bus one sunny afternoon in early October with my friend, Cort.  Cort had his Discman and was excitedly telling me about this band I had to hear.  I pulled the headphones over my ears as we walked and he played the first track on the CD, “Smells Like Teen Spirit”.  With the assault of the first chord I knew I was listening to something that would change me.  And it did.  I couldn’t put it into words then but I was finally listening to something I could connect with.  The music, the words, the angst.  I stood there not wanting to relinquish Cort’s headphones.  I listened as we flipped through the songs on Nevermind and then very reluctantly walked the rest of the way home in silence.  At my next guitar lesson I begged my guitar teacher to show me how to play “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Come As You Are”.  I wasted no time teaching the songs to my friend and drummer, Mark, and we played them for hours (even incited a couple police visits for noise violations).  I wrote new songs that emulated Nirvana’s sound.  While everyone else was busy listening to MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice and Metallica I had found a soundtrack for my teen years.  Something that I could identify with.  Something that made me feel a little less awkward.  Something that made me feel like I wasn’t the only one that was lost.

I spent part of the day walking through the Nirvana exhibit at EMP in Seattle and it took me right back to that day I walked home and found a piece of myself in music.  Nirvana forged a new trail in music and found a way to create the soundtrack of a generation.  My generation.

It’s Alright

This old dirt road leads to home
Right where the sun sets and makes us feel not so alone
That’s where I’ll rest tonight

CHORUS
It’s alright
Don’t go
It’s alright

This old house is all but falling down
Fire swept walls and soot covered dreams
We’ve kept all we could

CHORUS
It’s alright
Don’t go
It’s alright

Harsh words sting for a life
Until the soft sound of love creeps in
That’s where I’ll rest tonight

CHORUS
It’s alright
Don’t go
It’s alright

BRIDGE
Let me hold you like you could be held
Let me heal with you like we really could be healed
Let me feel this love like we’ve never felt before
It’s alright
We’ll make it through this night

CHORUS
It’s alright
Don’t go
It’s alright

Takes Time

Takes a little bit a time
To get my head on right
Takes a little bit a time
To see loves been right in front of my eyes
If you can wait – I’ll show you it’s worth the wait
I just need a little bit of your time

CHORUS:
Oh you, I could fall in love with you
You don’t have to say a word
It’s written all over you
Just need a little bit of you
Yeah you

Takes a little bit a time
To figure out this crazy life
Takes a little bit a time
To find out it was the whole damn time
If you can wait – Girl I’ll show you I’m worth the wait
Just need a little bit of your time

CHORUS:
Oh you, I could fall in love with you
You don’t have to say a word
It’s written all over you
Just need a little bit of you
Yeah you

Takes a little bit a time
To see a broken road can make right
Takes a little bit a time
To find what you need to find what you want
And girl it’s you – yeah you
I just need a little bit of your time

CHORUS 2:
Oh you, I’ve fallen in love with you
You never had to say a word
It’s written all over you
I just need a little bit of you
Yeah you

Trouble

Don’t you dare close your eyes
You just might believe me
I’ve had way too much to drink
And I might say anything
It would all be true
It would all be trouble girl

CHORUS
You don’t need the kinna trouble I’m in
You don’t need the kinna trouble I am
I would hold you for here as long as I could
In this trouble we’re in

Don’t you dare look in my eyes
They don’t ever lie
God forbid this heart of mine
Makes it to my sleeve
Cause I don’t have it in me
To deny you anything

CHORUS
You don’t need the kinna trouble I’m in
You don’t need the kinna trouble I am
I would hold you for here as long as I could
In this trouble we’re in

Never Let You Go

VERSE 1
What if you inspired me
To write the greatest song ever written down
What if it changed the world
We’re standing in

What if those flashing lights were you’re headlights
You racing back to me
What if those miles were only seconds
You away from me

CHORUS
If you were only here
I would tell you that I’ve loved you
If you were only here
I would hold you and never let you go

VERSE 2
What if these tears were tears of joy
You smiling back at me
What if all this pain
Made us beautiful

What if you and I were angels
Just waiting for our symphony
What if all the love in the world
Was enough to save us

CHORUS
If you were only here
I would tell you that I’ve loved you
If you were only here
I would hold you and never let you go

Hold Fast

Everything is going to change.  It’s already set in motion.  Nothing can stop it or change it’s course.  The horizon before us is even now showing the signs of the storm.  The beautiful morning sky has given way to ominous clouds.  Smooth waters have changed to white capped seas.  But the destination must be reached.  So hold fast!  Steady be your hands.  Sharp be your eyes.  Strong be your arms.  Set this course hard and hold fast.  Do not let sleep overtake you.  There will be no shelter.  The storm will not relent until it’s taken what it desires.  So hold fast lest your home become the belly of this revolting monster.  Just hold fast.